The girl lifted d toy up in her hands with a great care. As soon as she lifted it up, d toy said “Thanks”. The girl became very happy to see d speaking toy. She dusted d toy’s wardrobe, combed its hair… now d toy seems more lovable than before. The girl kept talking with d toy for long n suddenly a thought came to her mind to clean d toy but d toy said to that girl that “don’t wet me because after making me wet if u would not dry me in ur hands then I shall lost my voice n my body parts can also be broken. ” Then d girl said to d toy that “don’t worry I would make u dry in my hands only”.
She started bathing d toy very delightedly and was caressing it in her little hands in order to make it dry, but suddenly her mom called her “Ziya……d train is coming, hurry up n hold ur dad’s hand”. As soon as she heard her mom’s voice she threw d toy from her hands at d same place n went to her dad, hoping by her tender feet.
One more train came n had departed. In d evening, at d same platform, another girl saw d same toy while walking there. “Oh! My God how cute it is! ” by saying this she lifted that toy up in her soft hands. She shook that toy but d toy had become silent. As she shook d toy twice or thrice the hand of d toy broke up n fall in her own hands. The girl threw d toy there n move on, n d toy kept gazing d girl going away from him with its blue stoned eyes….!!!
nice one...u can elaborate it more i guess......
ReplyDeletenice but short story...
ReplyDeleteat first,I thought that the girl would pick the toy and then there would be a blast and the atmosphere will be filled with smoke, smell of burnt clothes, dynamite and human flesh.
The floor and the walls would be painted with blood and the passangers, who were walking and talking with each other on platform, lying on floor, crying with pain, their body parts scattered here and there, some children crying, and shaking the hands of their parents, who will never speak again.
And in the another part of country, a guy speaking with another person on mobile, saying,"Kaam ho gaya bhai, bolo, kahan milna hai?"
I know, it seems weird, but I just thought so.
anyways, nice story and elaborate it...
;-)
nice...but can't feel anything...
ReplyDeleteDear Blue Sky,
ReplyDeleteThe concept of the story is quite nice, however as the story progresses the concept loosens and we do not find a satisfactory end.
Any story must include one mandatory element: "Change."
Either the character, or the events should change around the character.
Neither the toy, nor the girl experience any change from what they were before the story began. That is it. You bring about change, you get a story. Nice attempt. :-)
thank you Zaheen. I liked your views, infact me too feel that the story si incomplete and it need to be elaborated more. I will let my friend know about your views who wrote this story.
ReplyDeleteMy pleasure. All the best.
ReplyDeleteAnd, sorry for using "Blue Sky". I simply copy-pasted the comment I posted on the orkut community for Short Stories. Hope it didn't offend you. :-)
ReplyDeletethat's all right no issues.
ReplyDelete