YATRA --- English version

Every journey gets a new experience with itself. It doesn’t make any difference, whether a place is being visited again and again or a new place is chosen every time. The word “Journey” itself says that we have started off from home, but haven’t reached our destination yet; the journey is still going on. In every journey, we get to see new faces, new scenes and new things, inside and outside the windows of buses and trains,

All these thoughts were rushing inside the mind of Poorva, while doing the household
works, when suddenly her mobile rang. It was her husband Arjun on the other side.

“Hi Poorva, your first class A/C ticket to Mumbai has been confirmed.”
“That’s nice, when do I need to leave?”
“After two days.”

Poorva had to attend the marriage of son of his maternal uncle, as Arjun was busy in his
work; she had to go on her own.

On the due date, Arjun came to station to see Poorva off, while keeping her luggage on place; they had a look on her co-passengers. There was an aged couple, sitting on the seats, next to hers. When their eyes met, they greeted each other and hence the conversation started between them. Now Arjun was relaxed that Poorva won’t feel lonely.

When the train started to move, Smt. Rekha Agrawal asked Poorva, “Dear, do you study
in Mumbai or work there?”
Poorva laughed a bit and replied, “No aunty, I am going to Mumbai to attend a wedding, I have some  relatives there. I am married and the person, who came to see off, is my husband, I also have a daughter.”

“Oh, we have a daughter of your age and a son, younger to her. He is studying in IIT and
our daughter is a lecturer in a reputed medical college of Mumbai.”

“Is she also married?”

“Yes, she is and nobody attended her marriage even.”
Smt, Agrawal became sad while saying the last lines, for a moment, she hesitated a bit, because her inner sorrow expressed in front of an unknown person. Poorva too couldn’t understand anything. Then she asked, “Why so aunty?”

“Actually we belong to Jain community and our daughter married a Marathi boy, without
our consent, that’s why all our relatives broke relations with her.”

“Oh, that’s really sad.” Poorva couldn’t say anything else than it.

“Even now we can’t invite her in our family functions and social gatherings, because we feel very much embarrassed, in front of our relatives, due to their presence. Especially the presence of that Marathi boy…and if I say truly… it becomes very uncomfortable to make them meet others.”

Poorva noticed that Smt. Agrawal is not calling his son-in-law with his name. Before she could say anything, Smt. Agrawal started speaking, “Actually we are also checking how their relation goes up, if 3-4 years passes  fine, then we will give them a flat, which was for her dowry. But if she breaks up with him, then all this drama will end.”

For a moment, Poorva got shocked hearing this, how this people can say all this so easily, like it’s not a marriage, but a game or any experiment on trial basis. Let’s see for 3-4 years, if everything goes fine, then it’s okay, otherwise nothing else than a bad experience, which will be forgotten in some days. And then she also realized that these
people haven’t been able to accept the inter-caste relations, even after living in so big cities, considering their own children to be a reason for their embarrassment. And what kind of mentality do they have, that even if the marriage breaks, but the girl will return home.

Poorva had a thunderstorm of thoughts in her mind; she thought that if we leave these metro and cosmopolitan cities, then in all other cities, no parents would wish that their daughter returns home, after marriage, without any serious problem, let it be inter-caste wedding. Then suddenly Smt. Agrawal called her,” what’re you thinking dear, this is not an unusual thing in these metro cities, okay, now we’re getting sleepy, good night dear.”
“Good night aunty.”

They fall in deep sleep, but Poorva again got lost in her thoughts, (why it is so that people residing in metro cities are taking the relation of marriage so casually and carelessly, which is a permanent and so important relation. Even the parents are changing their thoughts, as youths. Is it usual to take divorce, breaking the relations. Parents have also started to think that if everything goes fine, then it’s okay, otherwise they will get rid off the another caste guy. Instead of giving a try to follow the relation and adjusting with each other, the couple is being advised to wait for some time, and if you don’t like it, then part your ways.)

May be these people, living fast and instant life, are considering themselves instant too. On one side, they consider themselves modern, stating breaking relations doesn’t matter for them, and on the other hand, they are not able to break the chains of their caste, family, religion, etc. It just means they are standing in between a two-way road, and it’s very difficult for them to choose one side completely.

It reminded Poorva a recent incident, happened, some time back; they had a marriage proposal for her younger sister Vineeta. The boy was a hardware engineer in a leading MNC in Bangalore, handsome, earning attractive salary and the biggest point was that those people were showing their eagerness, regarding this relation, by calling again and again. Poorva’s parents also liked this proposal. This proposal had come from a matrimony service, the boy’s name was Manish, he asked to Vineeta for a chat on internet and Vinita used to chat with him for next 15-20 days. Manish asked her to send him some of her pictures, which are apart from her matrimony photographs. But Poorva told Vinita not to send any of her pictures, for then.

After one or two days of that incident, Manish stopped chatting with Vinita, that too without telling any reason. Vinita, Poorva and their parents couldn’t understand what had happened at once. When Manish didn’t respond for a week, Poorva’s father called at his home and got a reply that Manish has got engaged somewhere else, a week before.

This incident astonished everybody. Vinita was most surprised and shocked of all of  them, that if he wanted to marry somewhere else, then why he was asking for her photographs, why he was talking so closely to her and why he was asking about her future plans, for her family, in detail, again and again. But she had no answer for it. For initial some days, she remained very sad, how could Poorva make her understand, as she herself couldn’t understand anything. For how many days, she cursed that unseen person, said ill things about him….. and now when she came to know about the things happened with Agrawal family, her old wound started to bleed again. 

Poorva kept thinking, what is the thing that these people living in metro cities are searching for, is there any end for this oasis, is there any meaning of endless search for the perfect match and suitable match? Has our feelings become so weak that we are taking this most important and beautiful relation of life, so irresponsibly and lightly?

Poorva fall asleep, while thinking about these things and got up in morning, when Smt. Agrawal awoke her and told her that train will reach Mumbai Central station in about one hour. Poorva checked her luggage, Train reached at station on time, where a person from her uncle’s home had come to receive her. She waved good-bye to Smt. Agrawal and left.

Escape to Nowhere

She was running…Speedily...Non-stop.. She was just running fast. Why, what was the reason? Don’t know all she knew that she was running. The way she was running anyone can draw a conclusion that she might be in a hurry to reach somewhere, or may be she was trying to run away from something but if she wanted to run away then too she was not looking backward. Whatever was it…her speed was quite fast and her breath were also running fast.

That road where she was running was vacant, desolate and quiet. A long and steady road doesn’t know from where it started and where it will end up and her eyes were looking in to a distant vacuum (which was extended on that long road), towards a distant and endless path.

The two things that were breaking the silence of that road were, one the noise of her running and second her heart beat which was beating so fast that it was sounding like an air pump.

Finally she got tired off, her legs were badly paining, as if someone has squeezed out all their strength. She stopped in the middle of the road, her heart was breathing fast, she knelt down a bit and put hands on the knees, and then again she stood up straight. She looked all around in all possible directions and to that possible extent where her sight could reach. Nothing was there, neither human being nor any other creature nor any green stuff. It was all quiet, empty and sterile.

Then her eyes fell on a big stone, kept on the other side of the road. She walked slowly towards that stone. Her breath was now getting normal. She sat on the stone in a careless position. She locked her hands with each other; her hair was swinging all over her face, neck and shoulders. She then turned down her face; tightly closed her hands which were already tangled with each other and thereafter two drops of tear came from her eyes and flowed down her cheeks....for next few moments tears continuously flowed. Then she suddenly came back in to her sense and wiped out the tears and looked around, nobody was there to see her crying. For a moment she felt relaxed.

But on the next moment she couldn’t control herself and once again broke up in tears. Her cry was noiseless, eyes were shading tears but she did not even scream for a single time. A lump of emotions and grief in her chest was trying to come out with a big bellow, but each time she was swallowing it back. She covered her face with hands and closed her lips tightly and folded them inside, but no longer she could keep them in that position; still she succeeded to keep her tears silent.

She did not know for how long she cried in that manner; all she knows that she cried…. While sitting on that stone.

Finally her tears dried up and she stopped crying. Can’t say whether she gets tired off with crying and she had anymore strength to cry or there were no more tears left in her eyes. She stood up and took a sigh and started walking back on the road. She was going back to the way from where she came. However this time her feet were slow, as if there was no hurry to reach anywhere; she was walking carelessly. This time on the road she came across some people, going on their ways; both sides saw each other and moved on their ways respectively.

She was walking slowly…..and more slowly as if she did not want to finish the journey, as if she was not willing to reach the destination. However, she reached there and now she was standing outside the house. She opened the main gate in a very slow manner and then closed it with the same, so that nobody can listen or notice her arrival. She then entered into the house and looked here and there. Everything was same and at its place as she left them. Somebody was reading newspaper, someone was watching TV and she could smell the aroma of food being cooked in kitchen. Nobody noticed her presence nor saw her. She quietly went into her room and fell down on bed and pretends as if she is sleeping. But before entering the room she felt that may be somebody asked her,”where were you, what were you doing?” but those words disappeared in air as soon as they encountered with her ears.

Once again two drops emerged at the corners of her eyes and flowing through cheeks, fell on pillow.

Her mother came into the room and stood near to her bed,” lunch is ready, will you eat now?” she removed her tears quickly and very cleverly also then she replied in a stable voice, “No, later, I am not hungry.” She said those words without changing her posture on bed side.  Her mother stood their for few moments and then left the room with saying some words that she couldn’t listen clearly or may be she didn’t wanted to listen.

She came back into her world and again started crying, swallowing own screams and yells, the pillow was getting wet and so her face.

जागते ख्यालों की रातें

रात का वक़्त सोने के लिए होता है और आमतौर पर लोग रात को सोते ही हैं. पर कभी- कभी ऐसा होता है की नींद आती नहीं है या शायद हम खुद ही सोना नहीं चाहते. बिस्तर पर लेटे कभी छत को देखते हुए और कभी खिड़की से बाहर  देखते हुए जाने क्या-क्या सोचते रहते हैं.

अब यहाँ अगर मैं ये  कहूं  कि खिड़की के बाहर मैं चाँद तारों या नीले आसमान को देखती हूँ और उन्हें देख कर मुझे बड़े ऊँचे दर्जे के साहित्यिक ख्याल मन में आते हैं, तो ये बिलकुल गलत होगा और काफी नाटकीय भी लगेगा. गलत इसीलिए कि मेरी खिड़की से चाँद तारे कभी-कभार ही दिखते हैं. इन housing कॉलोनियों में जहाँ मनमर्जी से घरों की designing की गई है वहाँ खिडकियों के लिए चाँद तारे और दूर तक फैले नीले आसमान के लिए कुछ बहुत ज्यादा गुंजाईश नहीं बची है.
 और नाटकीय इस तरह की चाँद तारे और नीला आसमान ये सब तो किसी कविता,ग़ज़ल या फ़िल्मी गाने जैसा लगता है.
                          खैर, ये सब तो मूल विषय से हटकर कही गई बातें हैं. हमारा मुद्दा तो इस समय "रात्रि-जागरण" है.
 कभी ऐसा भी होता है की कुछ ख्याल, कल्पनाएँ,विचार और सपने इतने सुन्दर होते हैं की उनके बारे में सोचना नींद लेने से ज्यादा अच्छा लगता है.
                रात के समय जबतरफ शांति होती है, घर के सब लोग सो चुके होते हैं, यहाँ तक की चूहे और झींगुर भी किसी कोने में चुपचाप बैठे हैं या शायद हम खुद ही अपने ख्यालों में इस तरह खो जाते हैं की हमें "प्रकृति के इन violin वादकों " और "घरेलू घुसपैठियों" की आवाजें सुनाई ही नहीं देती. इस तरह ख्यालों का एक लम्बा सिलसिला चल निकलता है, जो समय, स्थान और  अन्य सभी वास्तविकताओं, बंधनों के परे हमें एक अलग ही दुनिया में ले जाता है. ऐसी दुनिया जो हमारी बनाई  हुई है, उसकी अच्छाई-बुराई, सुख-दुःख के अहसास सब हमारे ही बनाये हुए हैं.
इन ख्यालों का अंत तब तक नहीं हो पता जब तक हम खुद को नींद लेने के लिए विवश ना  करें. कम से कम अपने  बारे में तो मैं यही कहूँगी . क्योंकि एक बार जब कुछ सोचना शुरू करो तो फिर नींद का हाल कुछ ऐसा हो जाता है की आँखें भारी हैं पर नींद आ नहीं रही. आँखें बंद करने पर भी दिल-दिमाग जागता रहता है और आँखों  को ज्यादा देर तक बंद रहने नहीं देता. और फिर से एक बार खिड़की, दरवाजों पर लगे पर्दों, दीवार पर  लगी घडी और खिड़की से नज़र  आते टुकड़ा भर आसमान पर नज़रें  उलझने  लगती है.
                      पर सभी ख्याल अच्छे हों ऐसा ज़रूरी नहीं,  कुछ ख्याल बुरे भी होते हैं, कुछ डरावने, कुछ तरह-तरह की आशंकाओं , चिंताओं और संदेहों से भरे होते हैं. गुस्सा , निराशा, तनाव, परेशानियां जो हम किसी से कह नहीं पाते, जिनसे हम दूर भागना चाहते  हैं, वो सब रात होने पर हमारे साथ बिस्तर पर सोते हैं. जब तक आँखें खुली हैं, दिमाग जाग रहा है, तब तक वे ख्याल भी जागते हैं. जब आँखें सो जाती हैं तब ज़रूरी नहीं  की दिमाग भी सो ही  जाए, वो सिर्फ एक अवचेतन स्तिथि में चला जाता है और उन्ही ख्यालों से जो सोने से पहले आँखों में थे , उनके सपने बुनता है . और उन्ही सपनो को देखते-देखते रात गुज़रती है,  अगली सुबह जब हम जागते हैं, तो बीती रात के ख्याल और  सपने हमारे साथ जागते हैं. लेकिन दिन भर की भाग दौड़  में  हम उन ख्यालों को भूल जाते हैं. उन्हें अपने से दूर छिटका देने का प्रयास करते हैं. पर फिर रात आती है और एक बार फिर अच्छे -बुरे , सुन्दर-असुंदर,  सुख-दुःख, शांति-बैचेनी और डर-निश्चिन्ताओं के ख्याल अपने साथ लाती है, ताकि पिछली रात के सिलसिले को फिर से दोहराया जा सके, नए शब्दों में , नई कल्पनाओं में, नए दृष्टिकोण से.
                                  अब इस नए का अर्थ सकारात्मक  और नकारात्मक दोनों ही रूपों  में निकलने के लिए आप स्वतंत्र हैं. मुझे इस पर कोई निर्णय देने या निष्कर्ष निकालने के लिए ना कहें.

Solar energy in Rajasthan : Potential and Possibilities

Rajasthan has a huge potential of solar energy, the climatic conditions of state, makes it ideal for capturing the solar rays in abundance.

The climate of Rajasthan is arid and semi arid, the desert of Thar is spreaded on the 2/3rd part of state. These climatic specialties makes it able to receive almost 300-325 sunny days in a year and 6-6.4kwh/m2/day of sun radiation, which is second highest amount of sun radiation all over the world. The average temperature of western cities of Rajasthan like Jodhpur, Jaisalmer, Barmer, Bikaner and Churu is between 35-40 degree, and in summer, it used to reach above 45degree. The availability of solar energy in Rajasthan is 6 to 7KW/sqkm, that provide the potential of one lakh MW energy for commercial production capacity every year, out of which only 883 MW is currently being produced. Certainly, it is not a satisfactory situation; the potential of solar energy is not being fully exploited yet.

At present, India is depend on fossil fuel energy resourses for its 70% energy necessities, total installed energy capacity of India is 156909 MW, out of which 64% comes form thermal plants. Renewable resourses account only 10% share (13,242MW) and solar energy stands at a meager fraction of 9.84MW. (Source: Ministry of Energy)

What is Solar Energy

Solar energy can be generated through two methods, solar thermal power plants and solar photovoltaic cells. The solar thermal power plants used mainly for MW level energy projects and SPVs are meant for small KW scale projects. The solar rays contains photons, when these photons fell upon SPVs, it start an action of absorbing photons and producing voltage, that meant to store in those cells as energy packets.

The government of India has launched, The Jawaharlal Nehru National Solar Mission (JNSM) on fifth march 2010, with the target of 20,000 MW energy installation capacities until 2020. The mission has a special focus on Rajasthan, which aims to make Rajasthan, a solar hub. The 11solar energy projects of 66MW capacity of state government will be included in the first phase (2009-13) of JNSM. The first phase is aimed to establish the solar energy units’ of1000MW capacity. The state government of Rajasthan has already marked-up 20,000-hactyar land for solar energy projects in above-mentioned cities.

Previous Initiatives in Solar Energy Field in Rajasthan

Solar energy industry is still in its initial stage. However, the government of Rajasthan is encouraging private sector investment through various fiscal and promotional incentives these incentives given for both solar thermal and SPV projects. The state government has made a project to develop Jodhpur, Jaisalmer and Barmer as Solar Energy Enterprises Zone (SEEZ). The Mathania solar power project (140MW) is a milestone in this field, as it is the first solar/thermal hybrid power plant of country. This project is based on integrated solar combined cycle (ISCC) technology, it will use parabolic trough mirrors to focus sun heat and further drive the turbine to generate power. This plant will produce 40MW energy, which will cost 1 million/MW and still cheaper then other methods like SPV.
Besides these steps, few more small solar power based projects are working successfully, such as, 100KW capacity power plant in Gourir ( jhunjhunu), which is first of its kind in country, a solar energy driven refrigerator in Balesar (Jodhpur), state’s first totally solar energy electrified village in Jaipur etc.

In private sector, many companies are taking interest in solar energy. Reliance and Moser Bear both are developing solar power plants of 1 to 5 MW each. In which Moser Bear’s project will be the largest grid connected solar farm in India. The Rajasthan government has signed a memorandum with Clinton foundation on january2010. According to which the foundation will provide technical assistance and other necessary help to establish solar parks of 3,000 MW to 5,000 MW capacities in the state.

Centre of Excellence in Solar Energy

IIT-Jodhpur would be developed as the centre of excellence for the R&D purpose in solar energy and renewable energy field. The major area of research will be focused on storage of renewable energy, to minimize its cost, problems in grid interface, transition and up gradation etc. IIT will work with the collaboration of the government of France; its campus will be a green campus to promote awareness about environment and its conservation. In this context, it will set an example about the commercial capability of solar energy for various usages.

Under the JNSM, the central government has decided to start a project, named “Rooftop PV and small scale generation program”, that is intended to create awareness about solar energy among the common people and to let the investors know about its commercial possibilities. This project is in first phase of JNSM, under which small SPV based solar energy plants of maximum 20MW capacity will be setup in every state. In rajasthan, these plants will carry one to three MW power capacities and the state government has already marked up the land of 10 acre each in various cities, including SEEZ. Here one more fact is in favor of Rajasthan, as there is ample of barren land is available, which can be easily used to construct the power plants, this would not only raise employment opportunities in state, but will also attract the private investment and trade.
The central government has made a target of 100 MW power generations in the first phase of JNSM and according to speculations; half of that (500MW) can be produced in Rajasthan.

Draw backs of solar energy

The overall picture raises lofty hopes for the future of solar energy, but still there are many set back on the way towards green and clean energy.

Primarily problem is high cost, installation cost of a solar thermal power plant is two to 3 times higher then the traditional thermal plants.
Cost of per unit energy production is also higher then conventional energy production. Another issue is the lack of awareness about solar energy, its uses, viability and reliability. Solar energy cannot be produced in daytime, so it raises questions in a common person’s mind about its all time availability. Solar heaters, solar cookers and other solar equipments still costlier and quite complicated in use then conventional equipments, these tings used to keep the common away from solar energy. Solar equipments, such as cookers, water heater and solar panels used to occupy a lots of space, which is not suitable according to modern housing where space shortage is already a huge problem.

However, above issue are not such problematic that could not be solved. The JNNSM has a special attention on cost efficiency issue. the GOI is working on a roadmap to bring down import duty and custom duty exemption on capital equipments and other materials, low interest loan for solar plant installation etc. apart from these initiatives, some kind of subsidies or incentives can also be given to the consumers to encourage them. We can hope that these steps will help to promote the use of solar energy and make it consumer friendly.

यात्रा

हर यात्रा अपने साथ एक नया अनुभव लेकर आती है, अब इस बात से कोई फर्क नहीं पड़ता कि एक ही जगह की  यात्रा बार-बार की  जा रही है या यात्रा के लिए हर बार नया स्थान चुना जा रहा है. यात्रा का अर्थ ही यही है कि हम घर से रवाना तोह हो चुके हैं लेकिन अभी अपनी मंजिल तक नहीं पहुंचे, अभी सफ़र ज़ारी है. हर बार यात्रा में  हमें ट्रेन और बस की  खिडकियों के अन्दर और  बाहर नए चेहरे, नए दृश्य और नए नज़ारे देखने को मिलते हैं.
सुबह के वक़्त जल्दी-जल्दी घर के काम  निपटाते हुए, यही सब ख्याल पूर्वा के मन में चल रहे थे कि उसके मोबाइल की  घंटी बजी. दूसरी तरफ उसके पति अर्जुन थे.
"पूर्वा तुम्हारी मुंबई की ए.सी फर्स्ट क्लास कि टिकेट  कंफिर्म हो गई है."
"ठीक है, कब की है ?"
"दो दिन बाद की."
पूर्वा को मुंबई अपने मामाजी के बेटे की शादी में जाना था, अर्जुन को अपने बिज़नस से फुर्सत नहीं होने की वजह से उसे अकेले ही जाना पड़ रहा था.
तय तारीख को अर्जुन पूर्वा को स्टेशन छोड़ने आय़ा, डिब्बे में सामान  रखते वक़्त उन दोनों की  नज़र अपने सहयात्रियों पर पड़ी. एक उम्रदराज़ जोड़ा सामने वाली सीट पर बैठा था. नज़रें मिलने पर आपस में परिचय हुआ और बातों का सिलसिला चल पड़ा. अर्जुन को तसल्ली  हुई कि अब पूर्वा को अकेलापन नहीं लगेगा.

ट्रेन चलने पर श्रीमती रेखा अग्रवाल ने पूर्वा से पूछा,"बेटा तुम मुंबई में पढती हो या वहाँ कोई नौकरी करती हो ?"
पूर्वा को हंसी आ गई, " नहीं आंटी, मैं मुंबई एक शादी में शामिल होने के लिए जा रही हूँ , मेरे कुछ रिश्तेदार हैं वहाँ पर. मेरी शादी हो चुकी है... और जो मुझे छोड़ने आये थे वो मेरे पति थे, मेरी एक बेटी भी है".
"ओह, हमारी तो तुम्हारे जितनी एक बेटी है और उस से छोटा एक बेटा है. बेटा IIT कर रहा है और बेटी मुंबई में ही एक प्रतिष्ठित मेडिकल कॉलेज में lecturer है ".
"क्या उसकी भी शादी हो गई है?".
"हाँ, हो गई है... और उसकी शादी में तो कोई आया  भी नहीं था." ऐसा कहते -कहते जैसे श्रीमती अग्रवाल के अन्दर का दुःख एक अजनबी के सामने ज़ाहिर हो गया. एक क्षण के लिए जैसे वो थोड़ा अचकचा गई, पूर्वा भी कुछ समझ नहीं पायी. फिर उसने पूछा, "क्यों, ऐसा क्यों हुआ ?" कुछ क्षणों तक श्रीमती अग्रवाल कुछ नहीं बोली....फिर जैसे उनके अन्दर जो कुछ दबा हुआ था वो जैसे धीरे -धीरे बाहर आने लगा....

"दरअसल हम लोग जैन हैं और हमारी बेटी ने हमारी मर्ज़ी के बिना एक मराठी लड़के से शादी कर ली. और इसीलिए हमारे सारे  रिश्तेदारों ने उस से सम्बन्ध तोड़ लिए."
"ओह ये तो बुरा हुआ", पूर्वा इस से ज्यादा कुछ नहीं कह पायी.
"यहाँ तक अब हम उसे पारिवारिक समारोहों और  social gathering में भी नहीं बुला सकते  क्योंकि उन दोनों के आने से हमें अपने रिश्तेदारों के सामने काफी शर्मिंदगी सी महसूस होती है .  खासतौर पर उस मराठी लड़के का आना.... और सच कहूं तो... सबको उस से मिलवाना बहुत ही असुविधाजनक लगता है."

पूर्वा ने नोटिस किया कि श्रीमती अग्रवाल  अपने दामाद को नाम से नहीं बुला रही. वो कुछ कहे उसके पहले ही श्रीमती अग्रवाल ने कहना  शुरू किया, "दरअसल हम भी देख रहे हैं कि उन दोनों का रिश्ता कैसा चलता है, अगर ३-४ साल ठीक से गुज़र गए तो हम एक फ्लैट जो उसके दहेज़ के लिए था वो उसे दे देंगे. लेकिन अगर वो वापिस आ गयी तो ये सारा किस्सा ही ख़तम हो जाएगा."
एकबारगी तो पूर्वा ये सुन कर हैरान रह गई कितनी आसानी से ये लोग ऐसा कह रहे हैं, जैसे शादी ना हुई कोई मजाक है या कोई trial base पर होने वाला प्रयोग कि  ३-४ साल देखते हैं अगर सफल रहा तो वाह-वाही नहीं तो सिवाय एक बुरे अनुभव के कुछ नहीं, जिसे कुछ दिन बाद भुला दिया जाएगा. और फिर ये भी ख्याल आय़ा कि इतने बड़े शहर में रहकर भी ये लोग अभी तक अंतर जातीय विवाह संबंधों को स्वीकार नहीं कर पाए हैं, उसे अपने लिए शर्मिंदगी की वजह मान रहे हैं.यानि जाति सम्बंधित बंधन और वर्जनाएं उनकी मानसिकता पर अब भी छाये हुए हैं. और फिर ये कैसी मानसिकता है कि शादी भले ही टूट जाए पर  लड़की घर वापिस आ जाए.

 पूर्वा के मन में एक उथल-पुथल सी मच गई, उसके मन में ख्याल आया कि अगर इन मेट्रो और कॉस्मो cities को छोड़  दें तो बाकी शहरों में आज भी कोई माता पिता ऐसा नहीं चाहेंगे की उनकी बेटी शादी के बाद बिना किसी  बड़ी या गंभीर समस्या के यूँ इस तरह अपने पति का घर छोड़ के लौट आये फिर चाहे अंतरजातीय विवाह ही क्यों न करे. तभी श्रीमती अग्रवाल ने उसे आवाज़ दी, " क्या सोच रही हो तुम, अरे बेटा हमारे इन  बड़े शहरों में तो ये रोज़मर्रा की कहानी है. अच्छा अब हम लोग सोयेंगे, good night बेटा."
"good night आंटी."
वे लोग तो सो गए पर पूर्वा एक बार फिर से अपने  ख्यालों में खो गयी, (ऐसा क्यों है कि  महानगरों में रहने वाले लोगों की मानसिकता शादी जैसे स्थाई  और महत्वपूर्ण सम्बन्ध को, लेकर भी इतनी casual और बेफिक्र होती जा रही है. यहाँ तक की युवाओ के साथ-साथ उनके माता पिता की सोच भी वैसी होती जा रही है. क्या सच में  तलाक, संबंधों का टूटना और बिखरना रोज़मर्रा की एक साधारण सी बात है. माता -पिता भी ये सोचने लगे हैं कि अगर पति-पत्नी में ठीक से  निभ गई  तो  अच्छा है वरना उस गैर-ज़ात वाले से पीछा छूटेगा.रिश्ते को निभाने कि कोशिश करने  और आपस में  सामंजस्य  बिठाने के बजाय यही सीख दी जा रही है की कुछ वक़्त देख लो, ना  समझ आये तो अलग हो जाना. )

शायद महानगरों में fast और instant ज़िन्दगी जीने वाले ये लोग अब रिश्तों को भी  instant मानने लगे हैं.एक तरफ वे खुद को आधुनिक भी मानते हिं कि यूँ विवाह संबंधों के टूटने से  कोई फर्क नहीं पड़ता, वहीँ  दूसरी और अपनी जाति, परिवार, ऊँचे कुल, धर्म इन सब बंधनों को भी छोड़ नहीं पा रहे. यानि एक दोराहे जैसी स्थिति  में जी रहे हैं, जिसमे किसी एक पक्ष को पूरी तरह चुन पाना उनके लिए मुश्किल है .  

पूर्वा को कुछ वक़्त पहले की एक घटना याद आ गई, उसकी छोटी बहन विनीता के लिए एक विवाह प्रस्ताव आय़ा था, लड़का बंगलौर में एक लीडिंग  MNC में hardware इंजिनियर, handsome , अच्छी सेलेरी और सब से बड़ी बात वे लोग खुद ही इस रिश्ते के लिए बहुत  उत्सुकता दिखा रहे थे और  उनके बार- बार फोन आये जा रहे थे, पूर्वा के माता पिता को भी ये प्रस्ताव  पसंद   आया था. ये रिश्ता एक matrimony सर्विस की तरफ से आया था, लड़के का नाम मनीष था उसने विनीता से इन्टरनेट पर chat  के लिए पूछा और अगले १५-२० दिन विनीता उससे बात करती रही. मनीष ने उससे कहा की वो अपने कुछ  फोटोग्राफ्स उसे mail करे. जो matrimony फोटोग्राफ्स के अलावा हो.लेकिन पूर्वा ने विनीता को फिलहाल फोटो भेजने से मना कर दिया.  उसके एक दो दिन बाद ही मनीष ने विनीता से नेट पर बात कर बंद कर दिया वो भी बिना  कोई कारण बताये. विनीता, पूर्वा और उनके माता -पिता समझ नहीं पाए कि अचानक क्या हुआ.

करीब एक हफ्ता गुज़र जाने और इस बीच मनीष की तरफ से कोई response न होने के कारण पूर्वा के पिता ने मनीष के घर फोन किया तो ज़वाब मिला कि उसकी एक हफ्ता पहले ही सगाई कहीं और तय हो गई है. 

इस अचानक  हुए घटनाक्रम ने सबको हैरान कर दिया. सबसे ज्यादा हैरान और परेशान  विनीता थी कि अगर उस लड़के को कहीं और शादी करनी थी तो फिर वो उस से फोटोग्राफ्स क्यों मांग रहा था, क्यों उसके साथ इस तरह घुल मिलकर बातें कर रहा था और उस से बार-बार उसके भविष्य की योजनायें खासतौर पर परिवार को लेकर क्या हैं ये सब इतना डिटेल में क्यों जानना चाह रहा था? पर उसके किसी सवाल का कहीं कोई जवाब नहीं था. कुछ दिन वो बेहद उदास रही, पूर्वा खुद ही जब कुछ समझ नहीं पायी तो उसे  क्या  समझा सकती थी ? पर अगले कई दिन तक विनीता के सवाल क्यों और किसलिए के रूप में उसके सामने आते रहे जिनका कोई जवाब वो दे नहीं पाती थी. उसने कितनी बार उस अनदेखे इंसान को कोसा था उसे भला -बुरा कहा था.... और  आज जब उसने अग्रवाल दम्पति की  बातें सुनी तो ये पुराना ज़ख़्म फिर ताज़ा हो गया . 

पूर्वा के मन कई तरह के सवाल और ख्याल एक साथ उलझने लगे, आखिर महानगरों में रहने वाले इन लोगों को किस चीज़ की तलाश है, क्या इस मृगतृष्णा का, भटकाव का कोई अंत है ? परफेक्ट मैच और suitable मैच की अंतहीन तलाश का  कोई उद्देश्य भी है ? क्या हमारी संवेदनाएं और भावनाएं मर गई हैं कि हम जीवन के इस सबसे खूबसूरत रिश्ते को इतने गैर-ज़िम्मेदार और हलके ढंग से  लेने लगे हैं?
यही सब सोचते -सोचते कब पूर्वा की आँख लगी और उसे   नींद आ गई उसे खुद पता नहीं चला. सुबह श्रीमती अग्रवाल ने उसे उठाया और बताया कि मुंबई सेंट्रल स्टेशन  आने में अब सिर्फ एक घंटा ही बाकी है. पूर्वा ने अपना luggage संभाला. नियत  समय पर ट्रेन स्टेशन पर  पहुंची, जहां पूर्वा को receive  करने उसके मामाजी के घर से  कोई आय़ा था. उसने श्रीमती  अग्रवाल  से विदा ली और रवाना  हो गई .

Uff saree, Hai saree

“What!!! have you gone nuts?” I asked divi in such a manner as if I am talking to an insane person and turned towards mini to confirm whether I heard correctly.  But she was looking in some other direction.

“Miniiiiii” I called her loudly, “aumm, what, what  ...She replied as someone has disturbed her and broke the flow of her “creative thinking”.  I looked at her in an irritating mode, “are you listening to what am I saying”?

“Yes, I heard  that,"  she replied in a calm manner. I turned back to divi, “do you know  what are you saying, you know us very well and still asking this? Mini say something, what are you thinking?”

 Now before you people get more confused, let me introduce you with us, Mini, that is Yamini my best friend and my childhood buddy. I am Sunayana and we were at Divya’s place, divya is our close friend and we were talking about her marriage functions.

Divya’s marriage reminds me a lot of things which I experienced for the first time in my life. Here, I am going to tell you a little bit of those experiences.

 Like all other girls divya was very much excited about her marriage and in that flow of excitement she asked something. Let’s get back to our conversation to know the whole story.

 First she smiled and then started speaking with a very sweet and soft voice, “listen yaar, I want you girls to wear saree on my wedding”. Now that was the moment when I almost jumped from my seat, and expressed in above manner.   While divya  continued with her sweet tone,  "Oh come on, its my wedding, and once I will go to my in-law’s house then, when I will get a chance to see you people in such a traditional dress-up? There is Mini, who always wear western outfits and you…who always follow a style of her own”.  After listening her these words,  my mouth and eyes both fall wide open and my eyes filled with so many emotions at a time such as anger, surprise and awfulness!!!

“.. ..  both of you are my close friends and you have to be with me all the time during the ceremony, so you should look like the maids of honour, not just casual friends. Am I expecting too much from you?”  (Now what is this, once again I tried to understand what exactly she was trying to say)

 She made such a cute and innocent face that made it tough to express my confusion and irritation for a few moments. When all this drama was going on yaami was quiet reluctant to our conversation, as if she has nothing to do with all this. Therefore, I tried to pull her into this matter.

“But divi you know us, we have never worn saree and such things ever before, don’t you know that”? Moreover, how  will I manage a saree, how  will I walk?” (If she can do emotional blackmailing, then why can’t I)

 I asked her in a soft and sympathetic voice and looked towards Mini for some kind of support.

Finally, Mini joined our conversation, “look divi, we will not be comfortable in saree and a shalwar suit also gives a traditional look, so do not worry about this casual formal issue.”

However, she did not seem impressed with our weak argument, but she did not make any further conversation on this topic. However, she made such face as if we are disappointing her a lot and making her sad on such an important occasion. Hence, Yamini and I came back to my house.

“OK, so now what to do?” I asked Yamini.

“I think we should respect her wish, she is right, it’s her wedding and being a good friend we can do this for her”.

“Mini, you too!!!??” I almost screamed with irritation.

 That raised Yamini’s anger, “do not act like as if only you are concerned about it. What do you think I am really happy with this saree drama, you know very well that I don’t like to wear such costumes and all  but we will still do it.”

“I am not going to wear any saree, if you want to do this, go ahead but do not drag me into this”, I spoke in a cold manner and moved towards kitchen.  She shouted behind me, “come back here and stop eating…”

“I am not eating anything”, I replied in same manner.

“Then what are you doing in kitchen?” she shouted back on me.

“I want to drink water”, I answered as I opened the door of refrigerator.

“Every time when we are discussing something important, either you want to eat or drink something.”

“Awwwww…” I came back, sat in front of her, and looked into her face. She started speaking in a soft manner, “look, I know you don’t want to do this, even I too do not like to dress up in saree. But every time we cannot think about ourselves only, sometimes we need to think about others too.”

“But I cannot carry the saree I will sure fell down. Do you want me to face such embarrassment in front of so many people?”

“Nothing as such will happen, trust me, we have ten days to go for her wedding. All we need to do some preparations.. We will do this altogether”

“How much you know about sarees?” I asked her in a teasing manner.

“Well, I have worn saree on a couple of occasions”, she replied carelessly.

“What? When? You never told me.” I was highly surprised on this new information.

“Nothing important as such, at some family function I had to wear.” She tried to cut the conversation, “I am telling you it’s not that much important”. However, her answer did not satisfy me, but I was in no mood to extend this saree conversation so I remain silent. I was not ready to believe that we are actually going to do this. That day we could not reach to any conclusion or decision, but after that conversation I understood whether I like or not, but I have to be a part of all this.

 Mini made me ready to wear saree with a promise that she will help me to do this. (and of course with abundant number of arguments in favor of saree).

First, we had to choose a saree. I rejected many sarees with dark shades and heavy work.  But yaami found a purple banarsi saree in my mom’s wardrobe. It was looking quite simple yet elegant. After the saree, now it was the time for some other surprises for me. Yaami asked me to come with her for some shopping, she told me that her sister in-law kanchan will also accompany us. She did not tell me what exactly we are going to purchase, but soon the curtain rose up, and I found myself selecting choories, bangles, choosing sari brooches and bindees etc.  Though I tried to create a lot of hue and cry like, how can I wear such fancy items, I don’t like this, I am not going to wear them at all and most of all, are you crazy, what do you think of me??…and such things. But nothing affected Mini and kanchan bhabhi, as she said, “relax, sonu there is always a first time”. Finally, we chose a set of matching purple choories, a purple colored diamond brooch and stone bindies.

After reaching home I thought.. Ok its all over now, but no I was wrong, the dress rehearsals were still waiting for me. Mini was really concerned about how I am going to wear the saree and how I will manage to walk with that. Therefore, she asked me to take some trials at home so I would be comfortable on the reception. Obviously all these preparations were not pleasing for me, but there was no escape, after all it was our friend’s wedding, people don’t get marry again and again in their life.

When all these things were going on, my mother, who was just calmly watching all these activities of mine, entered in the scene when Mini and I were trying to wrap the saree on me or better I would say I was fighting with that poor cloth. She smiled at me and without saying anything she started wrapping saree around me. After wearing that,  I stood straight with my hands on my waist and looked at both of them.

“How is it?”

“Pathetic, leave your hands free and let them hang downwards, otherwise in this position you are looking like a house maid,” mini answered.

Well after that day I wore the saree a couple of times at home and took a walk, everything seemed fine. Finally, the day has come, but before that there was a sangeet night.  Mom gave me a new dress when I was digging my wardrobe for a dress “suitable for the evening”. For a moment I was surprised, when she purchased this!!! 
It was a royal blue color satin dress with an upper lining of mat cream and gray tissue fabric, an elegant cream colored net dupatta was enhancing its grace.  She asked me, “how is it…pretty isn’t it ?”

“Heavy. Too much glittery”

Obviously mom did not like this response, but she did not express it. Anyway, I wore the dress in a hurry and left for Divya’s house. Yamini  and I both reached together at her home.

“Hey sonu your dress is awesome.” Mini appreciated my dress.

When we entered into the hall, dance and music were on full swing. Divya was sitting at the one side of hall surrounded by her cousins and aunts. Two girls were making mehandi designs on her hand. She saw us and shouted, “hey come, sit here.”

Next moment she noticed my dress and she was heavily surprised and said,” sonu your dress is extremely pretty”. Her cousin sister susheela also gave me the same remark. Now it was my time to feel a bit shy. Mini and I sat near divya, I was carefully looking at those mehandi girls, and actually they were Divi’s cousins.  When Divi noticed me watching them, she asked me whether I would like to have mehandi on my palms, but I refused immediately. She did not force me more. Soon they finished their work and Divya stood up and went to greet some of her relatives.

Mini and I were left alone in that corner; I found there some cones of mehandi. I took them, mini also took one and started making some design on her hand and she made a floral design along with ganpati on her palm. I  too tried to make some design, but realized that it’s not my area of expertise. Suddenly, I heard a voice, “may I help you, let me do it”. It was susheela, with those words she took the cone and made some nice design on my palm. I looked at my palms and felt a very strange feeling; it was the first time when my hands were decorated with mehandi. I did not get much time to enjoy that moment when Divi came to us and she astounds with joy, “sonu you have got mehandi, I cannot believe this.”

I looked at her, a glow of happiness was on her face, “is it really good?” I asked her.

“It’s amazing, your dress, now this mehandi, sonu I am very happy today”.

Mini gave me a meaningful look, I did not say anything, I wasn’t assured about what exactly I was feeling, but it was a kind of ambivalent state that I was enjoying and trying to indulge myself in this process.

Next day was the wedding, the reception evening for which we were preparing. I wore that purple saree with mom’s help and off course those accessories also which I purchased with mini. But I have to accept that I was not feeling comfortable with the burden of pleats on my shoulder and my efforts to be comfortable in saree spoiled the fitting and arrangements of saree.

Both of us reached at venue separately, but at the same time. I was highly surprised to see Yamini in saree. It was the first time when I saw her in saree, she was looking gorgeous. Her magenta chiffon saree with golden zari border was catching everyone’s attention. Obviously, she did not like my saree style. But first we went to meet Divya; she was sitting in a separate room inside the marriage hall building. She was looking extremely pretty in the orange-peach bridal costume.  Then, Yamini took me to another room for resetting my saree, according to her it was completely messy or that was I who made it messy. (I don’t know exactly) she rearranged the pallu and put lots of safety pins here and there on saree to make it tight fit. I looked myself in a mirror and felt satisfied.

After that, whole night we ran from one place to other, Divya kept us completely occupied with many things as well as standing on our feet.

Early morning at 4:00 am, after her “vidaai” we took a sigh of relief and sat in a corner of hall. We both were badly tired and exhausted. But I was not in a mood to stay quiet, lots of things were running in my mind, “so, finally I did it, I managed the saree very well, did not slip, nor my feet entangled with saree and most important the saree did not cause any “embarrassment”. Did you see how I was doing everything with an ease, walking, climbing stairs and all..?” I was giggling and talking in a childish manner.

Yamini calmly answered, “Sunayana, you are now a mature and grown up girl you can easily handle these things and many other things as well, there is nothing unusual or extraordinary.”  

“but did you see when I was..” before I complete my sentence Yamini gave me a serious yet bored and indifferent look  and my words remained in my mouth. I turned my face down and muttered “I did it.” My eyes were sparkling with a satisfaction as if I have completed a very tough task. But I couldn’t enjoy the moment for a long as Veeren bhaiya came to us. Veeren is Mini’s elder brother and it was his responsibility to bring us home back if we get late at function.

“Can we go home now?”

“Oh yes, we are very much tired and feeling sleepy”, we both spoke together.

“Thank god you people are tired”, and with this comment he moved towards parking lot and we also followed him. After few moments, in the car I was thinking about wedding function, Divya and off course saree, once again my eyes blinked and a smile ran on my face as if I have done a “mature mischief”.